The Beginning

It was August, we had just moved to Minnesota. We were trying to get settled. We had moved into a not so great place. It wasn't what we were expecting, but luckily we were only paying rent month to month. I was stressed out about the move, Mark's new job and trying to figure all the things out that went with it, we had only one bedroom so Colby was in our room, trying to find a different living situation for us, and dealing with adjusting to a new place where we knew no one. It was a hard time for me.

(6-9 weeks along)

August 10th: I woke up that morning and felt sort of nauseous, not a normal sick feeling but definitely a pregnant sort of nauseous. I brushed it off, I really didn't think there was any way I would be pregnant. Colby was only 8 months old, I was still nursing him 4 times a day, and plus I had my "time of the month" about two weeks before. (Although I admit I was not on any BC, so that was pretty dumb on my part) The next day symptoms persisted and got worse, I felt more sick, was gaging at every smell and when I brushed my teeth, and I started burping a lot (all things I'd experienced with the first pregnancy). That night I told Mark about everything, he wasn't too concerned just said well you'd better take a test. The next day I went and bought a test, but I didn't take it right away. I honestly was still convinced that I wasn't pregnant. I took it that night....it was positive. I said Oh Crap it's positive. It hadn't fully hit me at that point though. I spent the next week researching if there was some way that I could get a false positive but I couldn't find a thing.

After a week and a half of crying most mornings because I was sick and couldn't take very good care of Colby, trying to convince myself that I wasn't pregnant, and then crying at night half the time I finally called the doctor. I set up a time to come in for a pregnancy test, since they wouldn't see me without one done at their office.

August 21: Went in and took the pregnancy test. I felt like an idiot because I had Colby with me and people would ask me how old he was. I would tell them and then get this look. It was great. Anyways, they said they would call with results and then set up appointment from there. I ended up telling my mom that night on the phone. I don't know why it took me so long to tell her. I felt almost nervous to tell her, like nervous in a bad way. She was excited and happy. Tried to make me feel better about it all. I also told my friend Beth that night too. I think she was pretty shocked. I don't think I told anyone else though for a little bit.

August 24: The doctors office called and confirmed the pregnancy. I then set up an ultrasound since I had no clue when I should be due. This week I did a little better adjusting to the idea, but I know one night I just broke down and cried to Mark. I told him that I didn't want to be pregnant and I didn't know how I would do it and deal with everything. He was really understanding and told me that he didn't want to say anything bad but he did feel bad for me. But he made me feel better, reassuring me that it would all work out for the best. He helped me to realize that it was probably better this way because if we tried to plan it there would never be a "good time" to get pregnant. I'm pretty sure I still cried myself to sleep that night.

August 28th: Colby and I flew out to Oklahoma because Mark had to retake his license exam there. I was nervous to fly with him and scared I would be sick, but surprisingly I had no morning sickness or motion sickness on the plane. I really felt good all weekend. On August 29th we told Mark's mom and dad, they were happy, his mom felt like she knew that we were pregnant before but didn't say anything and I think his dad was kinda shocked. Anyways, they came back to Minnesota with us after that weekend and spent a few days with us. It was really nice to have them there since we moved on September 1. My morning sickness never came back after that weekend was over. I started feeling much better. No more sickness and we were in a much nicer and bigger rental. I think I also started being more accepting of the pregnancy, not really excited but just dealing and realizing that I could do it. It was a rough couple of weeks in the beginning, I really didn't want to be pregnant and then I'd feel bad and guilty for thinking that way. Especially since I have friends who have a hard time or can't get pregnant and here I am just popping them out without planning or thinking about it at all. I wouldn't say at this point that I never had thoughts of not wanting to be pregnant, but they were definitely getting fewer.

That's all for now, I'll be writing some more soon.